- #1
Triton94
- 3
- 1
I wanted to dedicate my life to physics but I've come to a point in my life where it seems that my dreams are shattering... I'll not go into many details, I just wanted to share somewhere my concerns and perhaps get some advice.
I always had an interest in science and when I was a kid I even built a laboratory, but because of my nerdy interests, plus my eccentric character, I got bullied so much (I was known as "crazy scientist"), they made me feel as if taking interest in science is something to be ashamed of, so I stopped caring about science and found new interests, I grew up and finished an engineering-related vocational degree, but while I was studying for that degree, I was a different and mature person any more, I started to realize what a huge mistake it was for me to allow my bullies to get in the way of my dreams.
It helped also that I had many physics modules in my course that re-kindled my passion for science.
I took a big decision: I'll pursue an academic career in physics and this time nothing would stop me. At the age of 23, I made an application to the university and they accepted me into a Foundation Year for Engineering, to prepare me for a Physics undergraduate course (because I did not have the sufficient mathematical background and the university does not have a foundation year for physics).
Extreme perfectionism took hold of me, I wanted to be perfect at everything and I set a goal of getting 100 marks for every module, which of course had the reverse effect; not only my grades were pretty bad, I had to give resits twice for some modules and failed Calculus for the third time for just 2 marks below the passing mark (i.e. 38/100). They did not allow me to re-sit calculus for a fourth time, and the Physics Admissions team rejected me, other universities rejected me too.
It was at that time that I talked to some friends and I got the advice to go to a psychologist. So I did, and I was diagnosed with extreme pathological perfectionism. I made an academic appeal on the grounds of that, hoping that the university might give me a second chance. I started following a cycle of sessions to treat my perfectionism, but I stopped because it was too expensive. I am trying to treat it myself now.
It's been 4 months since I made my appeal, but I haven't received an answer yet. I feel very strange; what will happen if they reject my appeal? What will I do? Doing something else besides physics is out of question, so I'm feeling very lost now. The fact that I'm now 25 years old and I haven't even started a degree is physics makes it even worse.
The worst-case scenario is to continue self-studying physics and just do independent research, but am I really able to do any kind of research outside academia, as a hobbyist? And will anyone take a person with no degree on physics seriously for that matter?
I always had an interest in science and when I was a kid I even built a laboratory, but because of my nerdy interests, plus my eccentric character, I got bullied so much (I was known as "crazy scientist"), they made me feel as if taking interest in science is something to be ashamed of, so I stopped caring about science and found new interests, I grew up and finished an engineering-related vocational degree, but while I was studying for that degree, I was a different and mature person any more, I started to realize what a huge mistake it was for me to allow my bullies to get in the way of my dreams.
It helped also that I had many physics modules in my course that re-kindled my passion for science.
I took a big decision: I'll pursue an academic career in physics and this time nothing would stop me. At the age of 23, I made an application to the university and they accepted me into a Foundation Year for Engineering, to prepare me for a Physics undergraduate course (because I did not have the sufficient mathematical background and the university does not have a foundation year for physics).
Extreme perfectionism took hold of me, I wanted to be perfect at everything and I set a goal of getting 100 marks for every module, which of course had the reverse effect; not only my grades were pretty bad, I had to give resits twice for some modules and failed Calculus for the third time for just 2 marks below the passing mark (i.e. 38/100). They did not allow me to re-sit calculus for a fourth time, and the Physics Admissions team rejected me, other universities rejected me too.
It was at that time that I talked to some friends and I got the advice to go to a psychologist. So I did, and I was diagnosed with extreme pathological perfectionism. I made an academic appeal on the grounds of that, hoping that the university might give me a second chance. I started following a cycle of sessions to treat my perfectionism, but I stopped because it was too expensive. I am trying to treat it myself now.
It's been 4 months since I made my appeal, but I haven't received an answer yet. I feel very strange; what will happen if they reject my appeal? What will I do? Doing something else besides physics is out of question, so I'm feeling very lost now. The fact that I'm now 25 years old and I haven't even started a degree is physics makes it even worse.
The worst-case scenario is to continue self-studying physics and just do independent research, but am I really able to do any kind of research outside academia, as a hobbyist? And will anyone take a person with no degree on physics seriously for that matter?
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